Breathe Me.

I have a lot to say.
I realized this the other day when I had this incredibly important thought and I had no one to say it to. And now I can't stop realizing it. I have a lot of thoughts, questions, answers, stories, and ideas and I don't know what to do with them. For now, this will do.

1. I want to learn to play the guitar. I would totally be the person that always has their guitar and a book of songs ready so they can play at any given moment.
   
2. Barnes and Noble, Ipod, and a book equals my new favorite Saturday activity.
   
3. Why are some people more passionate about politics than poverty?
   
4. Tomorrow is family night!
5. Sometimes it exhausts me....a lot of times it exhausts me. Then I remember why I do it. And it still exhausts me.
6. I am a light sleeper. When I was younger my parents brought a desk into my room from Santa without me waking up. I still don't get how this happened.
   
7. Jodi brought so much food into work today. It had to have cost her 100 dollars, easily.
   
8. How do I know when to use "in to" vs "into"?
9. I believe in a public school education. I also believe I could be a better teacher than some.
10. Do you think Vince told Jennifer about Brad and Angelina during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
11. Why is it hard to let go of something you never even had?
12. I'm pretty sure I could invent something spectacular if I had a solid month to work on it.
13. As much as I would like to deny it....There is not a horse in every Julia Roberts movie.
    
14. I would rather be required to give two presents to people randomly throughout the year than be forced to give one to them on their birthday and Christmas.
    
15. I'm wondering in what moment I decided that my smile was the best and only way to say; I'm happy, I'm sad, I had a horrible day and I need to talk, I had the best day and I need to share it, You're forgiven, I'm still angry, Yes, No, I'm stressed out, I got this, I am exhausted and I can't do this anymore, I would love to help you, I need to cry, I need to laugh, You're funny, You're mean, I'm hurting, I am healed.

Moldova Update (For 2RC Newsletter)

My experience in Moldova was absolutely wonderful. However, if you talked to my small group you would know that a couple of days before we left I was a little hesitant about going, but the moment I was at the camp I had a total peace about being there. A few Sundays ago Rob did a great job of telling about our experiences at the camp and what a typical day looked like there so I am actually going to tell you about my experience with the two days following the camp.

I had a little bit of a different experience than everyone else because they all stayed with one of the leaders from the camp and with another person from our group. I was by myself and stayed at the parent’s house of two girls who had come to the camp. Tanya and Nellie had both come to the camp and they were both very sweet, they had also both spent time in the United States so, even though they would say otherwise, they both knew English quite well. Their mom and dad did not speak any English.
The first night I arrived at their home it was about ten o’clock at night. Prior to arriving there I had eaten the best dinner, and after not eating much of anything at the camp all week, I felt very full from eating so much at Victor’s house that night. So, I walk in their door, really just wanting to say hello and then get some sleep, and they bring into the kitchen. Sitting on the kitchen table was quite the spread of food. There was fish, coco puffs, chocolate, eggplant, green peppers, fried chicken, potatoes, and probably five other dishes that I can’t remember. The family sat at the table and watched as I somehow managed to eat another huge meal with, of course, a smile on my face.

The next afternoon I went back to my family’s home early while everyone else continued shopping and then went to have dinner together. Tanya and I walked around her village all afternoon and I saw and meet some pretty interesting people. My favorite person was this sweet old lady we bought melons from. She was selling them along the side of the road and when Tanya told her I was from America she talked to me forever. She held my face in her hands the whole time, and since she was not speaking English I had no idea what she said. Tanya told me later that she had told me about all of her family problems, how she has no money, and thanked me for buying from her.
After that we walked past Tanya’s Orthodox Church she went to and she decided that I should go see what an Orthodox Service was like. When we got to the door a woman put head covering on us and then Tanya and her had some sort of discussion about me not wearing a skirt. I heard Tanya say “American” about twenty times and we were finally let in. I wish I was really great at writing so that I could describe exactly what it looked, felt, and smelled like in there because I felt like I had just walked into a completely different world. The Priest stood behind a giant red curtain and did not face us the whole time, Tanya asked if my priest stands behind a curtain, and I said well that would be Rob and no he doesn’t.

As the service continued Tanya began to translate some of what the priest was saying to me. She was whispering this right in my ear. It’s amazing to me how even though I may not understand what people are saying, anger translates very well. And suddenly I realized there were about five women extremely angry with Tanya and me for talking. They kept pointing to this sign hanging on the wall that apparently said, “If you talk in church God will give you big problems”. At that point Tanya got angry right back, and asked them to point out where it said that in the Bible, and then told them they apparently were going to have big problems too then since they were talking to us during the service. I got very nervous and just told Tanya she could stop translating because I didn’t want everyone to keep staring at us.

As we walked home Tanya was nearly in tears because of what had just happened. When I asked if she was okay, she said “I’m so scared for what God is going to do to us, and how we will be punished”. When she said that I was so confused because it didn’t match at all what she had said to those women and I knew that Tanya had told me she was a Christian. She told me that although she had accepted Jesus as her savior, she refused to have a relationship with God. She still saw God as that strict, mean, punishing God the Orthodox Church had told her about. She felt that he would cause bad things in her life if she didn’t follow all the rules. She knew that she was wrong in thinking this, but couldn’t make herself believe otherwise. On the rest of the walk home I talked to her a lot about God being our father, the trinity, grace, and forgiveness of sins. And even though I knew she knew it I reminded her that without the cross, no matter how many rules we follow, we could never achieve perfection in God’s eyes. When we reached her home she hugged me and said, “I feel free, like I can breathe again”.

Dreams

Sometimes I wonder if dreams mean anything. If they are little reruns of what have happened in the past, or clues about what is to happen in the future. Most of the time I come to the conclusion they mean nothing at all. Because if they did......

-I will live in an all glass house without furniture and sleep standing up.
-Clint Eastwood will try to kill me while I hide in my bathtub with my family
-I will give birth to two beautiful girls, and one huge kangeroo
-Someone close to me will die in a car crash, and I will find out from Mr. Rogers little puppets that ride around in that train
-I will become a millionaire by winning a Go Fish tournament.
-I will ride a ferris wheel with a llama.
-My husband will propose to me on the back of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Hmmm if only.

But seriously I can't shake this dream I had last night. If felt different, more important. I woke up immediatley wanting to be asleep again because I knew it wasn't over.
So maybe dreams are nonsense, maybe it is just my brain going crazy while it processes everything it has seen.
Maybe there is some scientific way to explain them, some logical reason why I dream what we do.
Or just maybe sometimes they actually are trying to tell me something.....
And maybe the reason I knew my dream wasn't over is because I'm supposed to finish it.

Four Years

May marked my four year old birthday as a Christian. Sometimes I forget to celebrate this little birthday in May but always remember to celebrate July 11th since that was the day I got baptized. While these little celebrations I throw myself don't include cake or presents, I always reflect on just how much I've grown since I found God.
I always read what was read at my baptism and usually feel inspired about my own story, although this year I find myself laughing at how young and awkward I sound.

But I do love my story.

I love how in my journal I can flip from May 2003 writing about how I am certain there is no God (and feeling the need to spend my lunch at Urbandale High School sharing that with everyone) to May 2005 praying for wisdom on how to teach the children coming to Bates Park about Jesus and show them how much God loves him.
I love how even when I was “certain” there was no God I still prayed.
I love how God chose Stefanie, all the way from Germany, to be the person to introduce me to Two Rivers.
I love how after my first small group you can sense in my writing I knew it was where I was supposed to be.
I love how I accepted Jesus as my Savior at Bates Park, the same park God is calling me to pour my heart into everyday so that people will know him.
And I love how if I ever need to be reminded of one of God’s miracles I need to only look at the pages of my own story.

So anyway I’m totally going to be celebrating my birthday on July 11th, and while I may not make a wish with birthday candles, I always pray that somehow my testimony can lead someone else to know Jesus. That the trials I have been though will somehow, someday give glory to God.